Please, please, please…

Rarely do you just know,
That the day you’re in is one of those,
Look-back-on-it moments.

Today is significant for various reasons, and yet the only thing I can focus on is “am I losing my artistic nature?”

I am sad. I can’t make my life work well enough to save money or give me time to continue art-ing. Nothing in life makes me happier than to improve at whatever artistic pursuit I choose, but… I have no energy for it. Working every day just takes it all away.

It feels like a loved one has died in my heart as I welcome in this new era of beautiful lush green growth and lifeforce. A new life is born in my family today! A little boy or girl who I hope will love me and want to be around me and who will hopefully be happy.

Oh, the choices we make and the words we choose, it all means so little and yet… Some days it’s everything. Mostly I trust my gut but… Where’s art? Where is the time and space for it? I’m withering away without my pencil sketches and paintings and music and poetry and stories and research.

I need it, so bad. I beg the universe, I beg myself, please let me say the right things the right way and do the right things the right way to give me space and time to create. Please.

~ by A. L. Park on August 1, 2014.